do you hug someone when you first meet them

Simply face the person you are hugging and press your cheek against his or her cheek briefly. (and I wouldnt initiate it), (However, Im pretty militantly anti-touching. I am normally not a hugger and I dont really work with many huggers as far as I can tell. Oh yes, totally agree that if you are in a position of authority over the intended recipient, in any way, you shouldnt even ask. I also work in a school environment where a lot of kids like to get (and give) hugs. I hugged my boss once, when saying goodbye when leaving from an after-hours work event at which we had both had too much to drink, which capped a long and exhausting day of strategic meetings. Its definitely something to expect if any of you plan to do business in Latin America, Something similar happened to me! I also have a very good friend at work that Ive known for two years and have lunch with every day and I would feel really weird hugging her. My heart really goes out to you. You want to confirm that youre greeting the right person and once you do, you want to let them know that youre excited to meet them. I had a male coworker hug me once and he remarked later that he made a mental note that I didnt like to be hugged based on my body language. I would default to not hugging in the workplace until you get a read of the environment. Handshakes are only doing between men here. 3. Oh man I would promptly be in trouble in that class for getting in their face about this. I still wonder why life has to teach me things with a dagger instead of a vision. If you're in a work setting, for example, hold off. Do you ask first before hugging someone? - Census Forum - Asexual Is it weird to hug someone on a first date? How do you hug a guy for the first time? Because of the work we do a hug is truly our way to cope and adapt to the circumstances. First, try to rely on context clues and the other person's vibe. I usually feel much better instantly. Maybe that person doesn't like you or doesn't want to make a deeper connection. One issue I see that I dont think is mentioned in the article is discriminating by gender when hugging. She was all, Im a hugger so here you go, and snatched me up in a bear hug before I could scream and run. If you are uncomfortable using this hug, try shaking someone's hand first. 1. Granted, I was the only person hed met before but Im a fairly small woman and hes a fairly big man so it ended up being the kinda hug-that-lifts-you-off-the-ground-a-tiny-bit. This almost sounds like a JP Sears routine. When you greet a girl on the first date, you are probably going to be tempted to check her out. I have two work friends who I hug before/after a long vacation or at the end of a looong day, but thats only if were out saying goodnight at a bar or if everyone else has left the office. I was a little surprised to see such a strong anti-hug reaction earlier in the comments. 6 Incredibly Important Body Language Cues When You First Meet Someone I think the tipping point for me is how okay the other person is with not touching me, and how comfortable I feel backing away from the touch/hug. Read: How to Treat a Woman on the First Date. Its not that Im philosophically opposed to huggingits that tolerating a hug is like having to stay still while a cockroach crawls on me. If you want to end the hug, squeeze him gently, and lean back. It was amazing how many people did this one gesture and how it makes you feel like you can show more trust. But Ive also seen the same people do right, left, right with people theyre closer with. The cheek kiss involves maybe hand-to-arm contact, whereas hugs mean someone is going to get all up on me. I felt awkward, I dont think he noticed. Ill be at a trade show and a client will hug my female coworker who theyve known forever, shake the hand of my male coworker, and then try to decide what to do with me. Do not kiss someone you are just meeting on a first date. My theory is that huggers assume that the normal rules are lifted when someone is super upset, but that non-huggers for the most part dont see it that same way. Yes, I see hugs in my workplaces, but its hardly common. 1. (usually teary-eyed ). I love it! 18. I had a manager who haaaated hugging. Shes a small German woman in her 60s and she kinda scares me, but in a fun way. It might be cool in other situations, but you need to be respectful on your first date. They do not even know me but they reached out to me and made me feel welcomed and happy". I dont want to be hugged by coworkers no matter how upset I am about terrible personal news, and in fact Id find a hug less welcome in that context than in more typical ones! (Well, okay, I can think of some reasons why.) Should you hug when you first meet someone? Even when I do want to hug someone (which never happens at work, never, never) its awkward. If youre short enough, people seem to *want* to touch you. Now, when it comes to hugging, that is going to be up to you. I like to be open and honest about what I like or don't like, but not everyone is that way. (Fake smilers look away quickly.) And weirdly, I wrote this post on Monday of last week. but i dont often offer them so yeah wtv. You would have to say, I want a hug or I need a hug for me to think that you wanted or needed one. I hope that helps! Im a hugger with my friends and family (if the like it some have larger personal space bubbles and I respect that). Coworkers hugged me when I told them about a Terrible Event that happened in my personal life. When we say the half hug, we mean the one arm, sometimes two arm hug that youd give to a stranger that you just met or maybe someone at church or a buddy you havent seen in a while. The (a) because I think its become more common over time to be open about all the ways in which our individual personalities factor into our work lives, and this is a great resource to learn how to do that, which leads me to (b) the commenting communities at other blogs may not be, erm, as welcoming, or not as well moderated. Now, though, weve noticed the tide shifting a bit, and hugging someone without their permission can come across as rude or insensitive. Your Smile. To say the least, I was shocked and even stunned to the point of almost not going back to the church. Do you hug or kiss on a first date? We all went out to brunch and then walked in the same direction. I know I wouldve if it was me. But once recently I was having a mild panic attack at work and my coworker gave me a quick rub on the back (while I was taking deep breaths with my head between my knees), which did help to calm me down. Or, someone killed your uncle. I would much rather shake hands with someone Im meeting for the first time, even if theyve hugged the account exec theyve been working with for 20 years. No one else got a hug, and he had never done that before. I have respect for non-huggers who head off a hug with a handshake. What's the difference between a friendly hug and a romantic hug? We got to the point where he was going off on his way. Thanks again for your compliments. i just hold my arms out and they will figure it out themselves; the rest depends on them. Id likely lash out and its make me feel worse. than the receiver. I dont know you like that! Almost never. I put one arm around her and gave her a squeeze and a pat and pulled the door shut behind me as I left, so she could have some privacy. I am not a hugger, and while I am not offended by hugs, somehow everyone assumes I am, so no one hugs me. Be eager to extend your hand to welcome strangers, friends, acquaintances, and business associates. She thinks that by talking about emotions shes being emotionally intelligent. Nonhuggers get hugged. Privacy Policy and Affiliate Disclosures, vendor hugs everyone, sharing interview questions ahead of time, and more, coworkers keep hugging me, scales in our break room, and more, I don't want to fist-bump my coworker multiple times a day, joining my boyfriend at a weekend retreat hosted by a professional association he belongs to, http://www.leparisien.fr/images/2014/03/30/3721821_act1.JPG, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80yjtJFf-v0, my employer confiscated my favorite shirt, whose job is it to address burn-out, and more. short woman, I know what you mean. My Dad is over a foot taller than me, and as much as I love him, his hugs are just not comfortable! 1. If a person isnt making themselves easily available for a hug (for example, if they are turned away slightly or conspicuously carrying something that theyre not making any moves to put down), assume that this is a no-hug zone. I think its fine when the situation is appropriate, such as if youre close to someone in the office, or if a colleague youre friendly with is leaving. Youre greeting a colleague you havent seen in a while, or ending a meeting with a client. When I was younger and much more awkward I would hide from people I knew if I ran into them in the supermarket or whatever. I get so frustrated and hurt by the daggers! ), although I have been hugged by coworkers or others several times throughout my career. Makes perfect sense. Maybe its because Im naturally a hugger, or maybe its because Im newer to the professional world, but I think you can read a situation and tell if someone is open to a hug or not. I work in an industry where we see each other almost totally naked pretty often, and I think we are disproportionately huggers. Occasional physical contact is OK -- a hand to the small of the back, a touch of the thigh, a brief holding of the arm while making a point. This dynamic has cracked me up a lot during a lot of the conversations here about running into coworkers in gym locker rooms and the like. This suggestion is from Jennine Harvey, whos studying for her doctorate degree in Tennessee and wants to know the etiquette of various greetings (hug, cheek kiss, handshake, etc.) That would be interesting to know however in my experience, the militant huggers were mostly older men, and I think they saw me as one of their children. (I usually say yes, but I do say not today or not right now, thanks on occasion). You can say no if you want to. Im an avid hugger (despite serious introversion) and am delighted when when I get close enough to a work relation that we cross the hugging threshold, but there IS a threshold that has to be reached, and there need to be signals from both sides its not something thats okay to do just because theres an established, continuing work relationship. I have one manager where I work who prides herself on being emotionally intelligent and insists on hugging anyone and everyone when she thinks they need it. A few are obvious; others require a bit more perception. I was fairly young, was so shocked by it and felt awkward saying no, so I said okay (if my memory serves me correctly). Be careful with this one. We would even joke that hugging the staff is not an HR-friendly activity. (or ahugging kind of person, or somethinglike that). They make eye contact. I just cant shake the feeling that hugs (and shoulder touches, arm squeezes, etc.) If you met them under any kind of circumstance you could never mention in church at your future wedding, then do yourself a favor and conjure up the most PG version for his. A client (who is not Latino) gave me a single kiss on the cheek as we were saying goodbye. Because (duh) some people dont like hugs. By the person hugging me, this also increases my self-esteem and self-confidence knowing that someone else cares and is there for me. Whether you're in love or just dating, there is really no wrong way to move in for a hug. 1. There was an update on that one, wasnt there? Refraining from an off-the-bat bear hug is a small courtesy that might make some people feel more comfortable. My litmus test for hugging is Do I/Would I go out for one too many drinks with this colleague? If the answer is no (and it usually is), then I dont initiate a hug. Unless we've already known each other for years & have established that this is OK. It's almost as though the frequent nod is a cue to hurry up, to get on with what you're saying, and to give the person something meatier to digest that doesn't require so much nodding. Or tell me after a hug that theyre not the touchy feely type. There are times for hugging, and times for keeping your hands to yourself. Im so against making children be touched by another person, and/or touch someone else if they dont want to, and I dont even have children. I was thanking her and her people for including us and it was hugs all around. Where are the huggers? :) Especially if I would feel totally comfortable saying, Ack, back UP! Other exceptions are when meeting and greeting much older women who might not understand the evolution in etiquette, and with Muslim women (who often consider it improper for a man to touch a woman at all). If there's a conflict, the person is too busy, or just doesn't want to spend much time talking, the side glance is a way to look for an escape route. If they're in your inner circle, it. All Rights Reserved. But if she comes sashaying toward you, arms open (and youre on board), hug away. Should you hug when you first meet someone? Is it normal to kiss on the first date? Its not a true kiss, but you put your cheeks together and make the noise with your mouth. Most of my other workplaces have been reasonably non-hugging workplaces. Here's our two cents: When it comes to hugging when you first meet someone, there are a few ways to avoid a faux pas. I am a workplace hugger only in extraordinary situations. My students are obviously professional outliers. I think its a bit of both. As far as I can tell, 99% of the non-huggers arent saying they refuse a hug (I think I saw only one person saying that). I can deal with it if I know whats expected and there is a work colleague hug at the shoulder I can do which is substantially less creepy than my cousin in laws full body hug (ick). The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Let them know he or she can tackle any obstacle. It was way weird on my first day of work after moving to Miami and my female manager leans in and did it. If someone doesn't want to accept your hug, screw them! I have a friend that I know hates to be hugged or even touched. I will always be inclined to hugs (outside of work), but now I make sure Im looking for the silent cues that the other person is not open to hugs or that the situation would frame the hug as not appropriate. What is considered a good first date? Science Reveals Why Some People Don't Like Hugs - Power of Positivity I hugged my former manager at her husbands funeral, and that is it. Interview with E2P Summit keynote speaker Dr Salim Abdool Karim When you greet her, make eye contact. I feelbad when I say no though, like sometimes when I've been upset with my partner over something (usually cos I'm being stupidly sensitive and he's not particularly done anything wrong), and he can tell I'm feeling crap, he'll say 'Hug?' This truly means a lot coming from a great writer like you. I will also add that most of the work hugs Ive had typically feel more different than platonic/familiar hugs. Ladies: were wise to keep the same thoughts in mind (lawsuits, gossip and wives! That said, I do enjoy 9o% of the comments here, and make some myself, so its not too bad theres just a few predictable button pushing topics. I originally published this at U.S. News & World Report. Im a big hugger in my personal life especially if someone is a good friend or close family member, I am all about the physical affection. Thats going to be an individual call, though. Youre telling the people who dont like hugs to let the huggers have their way and just put up with it. What does a hug mean after a first date? It shows that they are attracted to you at least a little bit, and they're wanting physical contact, which shows chemistry. According to Sabrina Bachai at http://www.medicaldaily.com/hugging-healthy, "Touch and hugs also have the ability to help people who suffer from low self-esteem. I am currently Murphy. 3. If the person is leaning back or has their arms crossed, then they probably don't want that hug you're offering. And then sometimes when you don't hug back or ask them to stop, they get offended sometimes. If the cultural norm is hugging (or the double-cheek kiss, or bowing, or hand shaking), thats the default, and you canand shouldexpect to be greeted that way. If I dont get creep vibes, then I just let it go because it doesnt bother me enough to take the career damage of complaining. After hearing how that can begin in quite a few situations, I dont believe children should be taught that theyre obligated to be affectionate to anyone. I severely loathe sharing my personal space. Not only are great lips and teeth sexy, but guys will look to your mouth for social cues, as it's the most expressive feature you possess. Here's another subtle body language clue. There are people I have a decade or more work experience who Id never attempt to hug, because I can tell the impulse isnt there on their part. The side hug