how to handle your girlfriend getting hit on

You should not hit her back. Mentioning your thoughts on the subject occasionally is fine but if you make it into a large problem it will actual have the reverse effect. I hope you will help me. or is it a sign that she is not as into me as i am into her. She is perfect in every way and even though i didnt expect it iv fallen in love. I just want to know whether or not this is normal, after all, Ive never been a jealous boyfriend, suspicious boyfriend, or have had feelings of mistrust. Many people dont know women hit men or they excuse the behavior because of their female gender. Realy nice article. She told me the shocking truth and what she assures there is no more after this.. Not only will it lead to her backwards-rationalising what actually happened but it can also prompt her to skew details to cater to that bid for reassurance. My gf attention is all that matters to me in this world, and mine should be to her. The other day he even told her that he misses her on IM, shes always talking to him. it really sounds like they are still interested in you. It was really early into the pregnancy not even an entire month yet and I miscarried. In the end, she will love you more for it and become closer to you. Then, when you do meet compatible women, they will choose you over other guys because you will feel compatible to them and you will be more attractive. Should I talk to her? She said she still has her old phone connected on another service because she cant turn it off until end of July, she says she turns it on from time to time to see who texted her because thats just how she is. but like I said I am working on that. Though she is turning him down and telling him she wants to be a friend, I feel like she is leading him on or something. I always found my relationships and game with women as something very mediocre and unsuccessful. The two possible solutions you suggest at the end of your comment will actually fuel any insecurities rather than ease them. Whats hard is I dont know how to just let it go. i trust her but when someone is drunk and they have no idea whats going on then what can you do? It is flirting dont get me wrong as i said Like when one does something to get the others attention and the other goes running to them. I agree that whatever the scenario, being reactive is never the best option. It all happend so fast, I wanted to punch him in the face but there were 3 of them and I know I would lose and that it would be wrong, afterwards she knows that I am very pissed and she tells me to just forget it happend and be happy, but Im not. The more someone finds another person as attractive the greater the chances they are going to make a move on them. Even at one point holds hands with him, and for some reason called me a bitch later on. If you do decide to message him though you have to word it very carefully so that you are not conveying a threatened or threatening attitude in any way but are simply politely telling him you are aware of the conversations and that they are unacceptable. Of course you will naturally talk about what you have been up to whilst apart but it should come from a place of interest and love rather than from fear or jealousy. Hi Sam, I really enjoyed the article and replies to the posts on the site. You actually have a lot less to worry about in these particular scenarios. Anyway he continues to make pretty crude jokes toward her getting cruder and cruder over time. I feel like I want to just shut my girlfriend out, even just leave the place were at! Maybe that way i will feel better about them. This is because she has always been a studious girl through high school and college and kind of missed out on being social and interaction with men. I dont want my jealousy to drive her away from me. Its just SO tempting and easy to become judgmental, angry, and defensive when your girlfriend reveals certain kinds of information to you. If you arent fully involved in a relationship together and 100% committed to each other then there is a possibility that there are other guys in the picture, something which becomes justifiable and even somewhat expected. It was great that you were so assertive with how you ultimately dealt with that last relationship but in practical terms, what happened in that relationship is independent from this one. The good thing is that she never actually has to start any confrontation. Would it be controlling to ask her politely maybe not to drink as much and also go home at the end of the night? Can i consult you on some stuff? He got too touchy-feely and ended up doing something way out of hand that I had REALLY wanted to slam him against the wall for. She is very friendly with everybody and is very approachable. I try to not get made at her but it hurtss so bad. As you say she is rather passive, you want to try and think of polite, non-aggressive ways that she can tell this guy she feels upset at his unacceptable behaviour. It sounds like you do have a high regard for your girlfriend, do trust her and that the issue is almost entirely aimed at these other guys. Im sure that the better friends you become with these guys, the less any of this will become a problem. Overall, it sounds like you have a great relationship and its simply a case of accepting the natural social skills your girlfriend has and realising that they dont devalue or even directly affect your relationship in any way. If you can talk about methods that will be beneficial for the relationship, rather than beneficial for you, and be honest about what that entails, then she will be more willing to compromise. She says that she is not attracted to him, and I think she is telling the truth because physically and emotionally, we are way more compatible. It should be noted that, in my 32 years, this is the only situation Ive been in where a male friend even tried to cross the lines. Whilst it is the former though, you shouldnt feel the need to avoid innocent questions about your girlfriend or prevent harmless interactions between them and her. I didnt believe her. So I worry a bit more due to knowing her past actions and social behavior. Take note of HOW she says things; if she is saying that it is all in your head and that you shouldnt worry then take that advice and work from there. Probably the longest post youve ever gotten on here ha ha. Anger or fear that you'll tell on him. Educate and equip yourself, and never stop fighting, with15 Safe Steps to Get Out of a Toxic Relationship. Second to this, the best revenge you can get on someone is for them to know that you are completely unaffected emotionally by their actions. It is the same part of her personality that prevents her from being decisive and dismissive of other men hitting on her that restricts her from dictating your conversations: be it a form of social politeness or simply a fear of unknown repercussions. The important thing is learning from those instances so they never escalate to issues within the relationship or get blown out of proportion. It is your reactions and subsequent behaviour that is as much a threat to the relationship as any deception or lies on her behalf. There will always be someone contacting her or trying to flirt with her and I know that. I have been struggling with jelousy recently, dealing with it by uncontrolably over-reacting. First, I think it bothers me that being in a relationship apparently means nothing to them (even the american guys). And I feel like the joking is harmless when I think about it, but that for some reason I cant get over it bothering me. What do you do if its a long distance relationship and guys are hitting on her like perverts? Dont worry. Im a guy, and im not gay. So should i be concerned about my gf telling me all thisis it a good thing that shes letting me know about thisor could there be anything else behind that??? Overall, your relationship does sound very healthy, what with how you guys communicate and how you talk about your girlfriend. Your girlfriend will respond and react to how you are now, not how you were before, so yes you can certainly put any incidents of jealousy behind you very easily. Ive got a little bit of a different one that I wanted to see what you thought. He tried to bust into my room when she was in there at the end of the night. Otherwise, its best for you two to move on. She has crossed boundaries in the relationship, and you should not tolerate this behaviour. But I Just Dont Know She Said She HAs Alot Boy As Freinds But How Do I Know What THier Talking About.. How I Know THier.. Not TAlking About Hooking Up.. Meeting Places.. Am I wrong to think that my girlfriend crossed the line by associating herself in that way with someone she was trying to be set up with? Thats awesome to hear; thanks for the update. For all the other circumstances, try to focus on and heighten the positive aspects of your relationship that are void of any of these insecurities, and work on trusting your girlfriend (assuming there are no legitimate concerns with her fidelity) separately. Seems like you havnt TRULY found someone whos attention only matters to you, cuz then you wouldnt need friends of the opposite sex because you have found the fullfillment of that opposite sex in your mate. You need to NOT talk to exs or guys that you know that I wouldnt appreciate you talking to and you need to get rid of that old phone. i was once again a fool to forgive her. It states that you treat your partner as you want to be treated. Helping her understand any jealousy or associated emotions you might feel is definitely helpful, although you want her to avoid feeling that she has to overhaul her whole personality to cater for those emotions. If there are no apparent repercussions from these nights out then youre right that she might not appreciate being told how and when to dance. If nothing works, then its better to suggest that your girlfriend would change her workplace. Unfortunately I worry that because of her friendliness ,bright smile, beautiful body , that many guys will talk to her in group settings and one on one because she is such a good listener. I cant stop doing what ifs in my head about her being out one night and drunkenly making out with someone or something. That night, Diana called me and while we were talking she said brb. Men tend to harshly judge their manhood based on how a woman sees or treats them. many guys hitting on you? Its a two-way thing and the key word is choose You want your girlfriend to be with you because she chooses you over all the other guys not because she doesnt have many options! A lot of the lying examples you have mentioned do not seem as malicious as you have perhaps interpreted. It seems like everything I do is never appreciated and doesnt matter to her. I am sure when you are back together it will be far easier to tell whether anything has actually changed and whether the relationship is actually how you want it to be. It might help you to realise there isnt anything to worry about if their interests are visibly elsewhere. Thanks for any advice you might have for me! I mean this girl really wants to be with me and I can see it. Thanks. Well she works at a local applebees and one of her co-workers keeps on hitting on he. At the end of the day, if the scenarios are as blatant as you predict then yes it does show disrespect towards you and Im afraid the only two options are to forgive their ignorance of the situation and try and earn their respect by displaying more leadership qualities in their presence (a whole topic on its own) or simply dont mix with them anymore. I like your intention with the fake wedding ring idea but I personally dont think it is necessary. Find out what your girlfriends boundaries are with regards to other men hitting on her and use those as a basis for how loyal she is. Trust and jealousy are things that are cured over time, through positive experience and by not letting emotion influence logic. The pivotal thing to realise is that these other guys are not competition! Perhaps more important than any of the above though, is being more decisive with your boyfriend. He was quite and civil, so i didnt think anything of him. And she told me that when I got out of the tub he did rub her leg under the water and the moved away at that time. Making sure your relationship is fulfilling for both of you and encouraging each other to be more open about these sorts of things are two separate issues, but they most certainly correlate with each other. But then next he grabbed her and turned her around and kissed her on the cheek. Mixing in those kinds of rich celebrity circles does often heighten the degree of social games that you will have to deal with though. The best way to deal with it is to trust your solidity as a couple and treat it as their problem. After all, she didnt tell me any of this when we first got together, and that shed been keeping it from me all this time. Your relationship should not change due to how much she gets hit on and likewise, how much she gets hit on should not be a result of anything in your relationship! Because she doesnt go out often, when she does get out she gets blackout drunk and attempts to stay over at the dorms. but i have another problem here. Instead, try to identify the root cause of this behaviour and take corrective action. You dont have to be the only person fulfilling her self-esteem needs you just have to be the only person fulfilling her boyfriend needs! I dont like just standing by her side or her mine the whole evening. Sometimes you will find that one of their friends of the opposite sex suddenly reveals more desires than simply friendship. But hold up, thats the last thing you want to do. I am extremely affectionate and I love her dearly, and its hard for me to understand why my attention isnt enough but I feel like she purposefully does a lot of things to make me jealous. For example, one time we were playing a game together. If you can get past the physical acts that occurred then I salute your mental strength and it is just the practical elements of the relationship that are left to manage. she needs to live her life too. Justtext START to 88788. It sounds like you are very level-headed about the whole situation and I agree it is a good idea to ensure your boyfriend has had his own amount of time to cool off and rationalise everything. Guys like the one in question often think they have a hold over their ex-girlfriends. These might not be the exact circumstances but it is a fairly common chain of events. You dont have to be best friends with him but the moment you start making enemies outside your relationship is the moment negative emotions start seeping into the relationship once more. This is the biggest question you could be asking yourself if your girlfriend has physically abused you in the past. Make sure you assess the situation properly and be careful not to blow things out of proportion Being in a car with another guy (especially more than one guy) is not really an issue, unless you make a big deal out of it with her. Her former teacher went way more over the line compared to her but she still did to and it took her in my opinion too long to come back. So thanks once again for your response and all the best to you, keep up the good work! When she now meets new guy friends and text them all day long, she gets all secretive about it. That said, as long as a woman isnt putting herself in vulnerable situations with men she doesnt know very well then youre right that it boils down to jealousy and trust issues, both of which are very solvable. She swore to me that they were only flirting on the y!messenger, but I still have my doubts. We have been talking less this week and i am afraid this may become a routine where we only send a couple of txt to each other and thats it. Those are personal issues that are solved by creating a happy and honest relationship with each other. Feel free to e-mail me through the websites contact page whenever you want to. It is a certain form of trust that will allow her to do so, one where she feels you empathise with and understand who she truly is. She does not seem to understand that hanging around with her ex and friends that would do anything with her with a click of a finger bothers me. It is also very important to know how to behave and act when such situations arise. I feel like my girl is walking on eggshells when she brings up the roommate. I confronted her and believe me it was so pleasant for either of us. fast forward to the other night. When other guys hit on our girl, our greatest insecurities show. But she says he kept saying things sort of alolikeng the lines of Fooling around is harmless and even though nothing happened, the fact that she didnt just sleep in the other room with everyone else just gets to me. Ultimately, if you think she does unintentionally lead guys on then frame it as being unfair on the other guy, not as being unfair on you! In scenarios like that it is easy to misconstrue exactly what happened and how vindictive it was. If a woman ends up getting with a friend after a break-up, it is a direct result of the negative aspects of the old relationship rather than a conscious plan of unfaithfulness that had been brewing. But experts say that a large majority of the time, motivations differs by gender, with men searching for more sex or attention and women looking to fill an emotional void. anyhow, i called back later and through the phone she told me what happend and she told me that she called the guy and he came to give her a left. I feel that I find it hard to relate to her, and shes bad at promoting me to talk about us and myself. If hopefully, she cares enough to hear how my day was for a change, then how do i explain to her how she fails this without her starting to cry (shes very emotional {welcome to the world of women lol}). I smiled and clearly whispered I love you. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". Your girlfriend no doubt felt caught in the middle and understandably would want to keep the peace, or make excuses for her friend. I did not get upset at her, but let her know that the situation seemed potentially dangerous for her job considering the nature of their relationship at work. Although there might be other variables, it sounds like he was more available and validating for her during that period. Afterwards, take her mind off it and remember YOU are her boyfriend and your time together should be mainly positive emotions. Forgiveness What to Do When Someone Flirts With Your Partner (or More) Before you can deal with them, you have to deal with this. i know we just started, and still in the process of getting to know each other. She does at times purposly make me jealous I think its just to tease me and boost her confidence a bit(I asked her if that is what she was trying to do and she just does her little blush smirk thing when you are right and she just doesnt want to admit it) I think my jealous has more to do with me being afraid of what would happen if we where to break up cause she cheated on my not that I think she will just afraid of the feeling cause I know from experience it sucks, but it could be some thing else. Unfortunately the guys arent doing too much wrong if theyre in an environment such as a bar or club, probably unaware if your girlfriend is single or not. When i found out that this guy was trying to win her.. i (much like most man would) reacted. Should I. When I get home, I am beat, tired, exhausted. Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. The problem with voicing your concern or showing any animosity towards him is that it is exactly that attitude that will MAKE them want to hang out behind your back. Why is the feeling of seeing and hearing your girlfriend getting hit on so intoxicating? Should I pretend as if nothing happened (That Im not Hurt) and wait till later to talk about it? while women only like 4.5% of male profiles. Do Get Wild in Private #4. If you're convicted of hitting a girl, you can face the following: up to one year in jail. After my posting i come to realizing that if a girl wants to chat it up with a guy then make it a light chat, nothing personal that they need to know, that why the guy cant find your weakness if you have issues and always let them know your unavilable! I usually say No to them but is it okay to say Yes and dance with them for the fun of it maybe its a good song that Im missing out on. Not only could you seriously injure your girlfriend, but you also have a high chance of getting arrested and jailed if she reports the incident. Do I have a confidence problem? Try and keep the relationship as mutual as you can. A few of her male friends have confessed to being in love with her etc. The important thing in this instance though is not how much you trust these other guys but how much your girlfriend does and how she then communicates that back to you. Either way, emotional cheating is a symptom of certain aspects of a relationship, rather than an active cause. I found his number in her cell phone Under HuniI was and still am hurt about it. After a while, i just kinda of get really jealus. Wish they could just be polite. Doing so will only hinder everything I have said above, in both your own mindset and in your relationship. he keeps saying that i didnt try hard enough, but i did and he wasnt there for me, he told me to do it myself and i did but that didnt stop those guys until i told someone else. The first thing to make sure of is that the variables that led to her cheating originally as well as any resulting trust issues are fully sorted out and the relationship is now as good as it can be. Thanks! Hearing from your girlfriend that her Co-worker was hitting on her hits different opposed to seeing her being flirted on in person. Instead, remain calm and composed, and process what just happened. But i was mad that time. There could be underlying motives to what your girlfriend said but it could equally be a transparent and open suggestion. Is the level of trust really not there? The price you pay will be the same, but by using our affiliate links you are helping support our website. She said I misunderstood her which can very well be true (since after all this was all on FB and maybe Im reading to much into it) and that well speak about it in person. The relationship stands intact because our unique team work that maintains us together every single day, we dearly love ourselves very much and we are crazy about each other. When we started talking for about two weeks she would keep saying I hope you arent playing me and then I told her to stop and she did I guess she feels secure now? Getting your girlfriend to be direct towards him with her disapproval, or politely ignoring him where possible are both better options for everyone involved. Until then, let your girlfriend solve the issue in her preferred way and continue your role as a supportive boyfriend. Unit #2007 Mahwah, NJ 07430, society overlooks the fact that males can be victims, How to Deal with Your Girlfriend Hitting You: A Step-by-Side Guide, Step 2: Calmly tell her that her behavior is NOT okay, Step 3: Talk to someone from the National Domestic Violence Hotline, Step 4: Try to understand why she hits you, Step 5: Decide if you want to continue this relationship, Step 9: Talk to a mental health professional, Step 10. I can put the feelings into words now and talk about it sensibly, whereas i used to be unable to describe the feeling of despair. Thank you! Somehow she thinks it is OK. You can encourage her to be more affectionate with you and validate her when she does so, but its actually a healthy setup for the man to be the more dominant figure in the relationship. A quick reframe about what those past relationships mean to the relationship she is now in with you should make the topic less uncomfortable or taboo. One thing that might help is to wear a cheap fake wedding ring, and make sure that the guy asking you to dance sees it. Later that night she had called me and told me there was this guy at the party that was being very nice with her and just talking to her. I just get agitated hearing about these guys and then her and I argue about it. And being he tried twice on that nice to kiss her. Without prying, I would recommend simultaneously dealing with whatever the reasons are that you cant see each other often. The cooling off period probably is a good thing for the two of you and its up to you to decide if she deserves the benefit of the doubt. She is pregnant as well. This was followed by a succession of texts from him to her telling her he would like to kiss her and wanted to make a move. After I found out, I was completely devastated, but it kind of opened my eyes. There is always a polite way to introduce yourself into a conversation and if you can make an effort to show genuine interest, offer value and withdraw any agenda regarding jealousy, you will start to see other men as potential friends rather than potential threats. At the very beginning, she said she would stop talking to him if it got weird; but then never did stop talking to him. Step 2: Calmly tell her that her behavior is NOT okay. Youve done the right thing by not making a big deal out of it with your girlfriend thus far. Some of the links on this website are affiliate links, and that means we may earn a commission if you click or purchase through those links.